Throw Me a Rope
by Specificitydarling
Summary: Sometimes being special sucks." Finn's aftermath of 'Sectionals' with the people who matter most. Will be a three-parter. Spoilers!
1. I'm Sorry

So I've never really written these people before, apart from that fic of drabbles. I hope I do Finn and others some justice. Couldn't sleep last night and my Ipod started playing Throw Me A Rope by KT Tunstall, gorgeous song. It inspired me to write this even if doesn;t really have anythign to do with the story. Also, Cory Monteith's amazing performance in 'Sectionals' lead me to try to write somethign really deep. I hope I succeeded :)

I don't own glee or any characters or any storylines (if I did we wouldn't be waiting till April.)

* * *

She's in the guest room, packing up her small suitcase worth of stuff. Santana and her mother will be there in half an hour, seems like she can pull through when she's needed.

His mother's in the kitchen, apparently making him, them both, something to eat. He's not sure he could stomach anything right now. He's sitting on his bed, staring at the laptop on his desk. The DVD is still in it, with the sonogram.

What happens now? He has no idea how he feels, everything is kind of numb. Now that Sectionals is over, now that there is nothing to do, he feels nothing. He stares at the black screen, remembering the huge overwhelming unconditional warmth he felt watching that video. He loved her, wanted to keep that safe. How does that just go away? Does it go away? He can't make himself find out.

His mom finally comes in with a knock and a small sandwich and a glass of milk. She sets it on the table, and sits next to him, taking his hand in hers. He's so much bigger than her, but right now he feels about seven, when he used to be scared of that branch outside his bedroom window and would climb into her bed at night.

She took the news much better than he did. As soon as they got home, he stormed off into his bedroom, leaving Quinn in the hallway with his mom. He was glad she got to explain everything; he couldn't listen to that again. Couldn't even think about it.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm really sorry." He whispers into his shoulder, and for a second he wonders why she's sorry. She lets go of his hand to hug him tightly and he wants to be a little boy again.

Letting go, she cups his cheek, so that she can look him in the eyes, "You need to say goodbye."

There's no question, and when he goes to protest, she shakes her head, "She's leaving soon. If you don't talk now, you never will. You need to say goodbye to her."

He looked into her eyes, the ones that had gotten through every nightmare, every road block and realised she wasn't talking about Quinn. And that, as always, she was right.

He nodded.

10 minutes later he's standing at the bottom of the staircase, leaning against the wall staring at his shoes. It was kind of like when he picked her up for their first date. Except totally different.

His mom walks down first, carrying her suitcase and Quinn is following her, head down. He should've been the one to carry that bag, not make his mom do it. That what his dad would've done. But he doesn't really think his dad has been in this situation.

She stops on the last steps, so that when he talks a step closer they're more at eye level.

"Finn - " she breathes, and they're both unsure of what to say.

He hands her a white envelope, shoves it in her hand more and she looks at him curiously. Well, as curious as she can get behind those red eyes. She's been crying and he's not sure how he feels about that.

"It's for her." He says, not quite looking at her in the eye yet, "It's not for you. Don't open it until she's born. You can read it to her then. Then let her keep it. It's hers, not yours."

Part of him thinks he's not only talking about the letter, but also his heart. He wrote it weeks ago, during that week he was partnered with Kurt for the Ballads. It's long and some of it doesn't make sense, but he thinks it says what he wants it to say. Or wanted to say. But nothing's changed. Not that way at least. He'd still do anything for her, still wants to protect her from anything. Still wants to be her daddy.

She nods, silently, and pockets the letter into her bag. There's nothing really more to say. He's angry, but he can't be angry. She's the mother of that baby. That baby that he can't help but love with all of his heart.

He moves to step away so she can get down, but she reaches out to stop him. He instantly flinches away, her dismay obvious. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She says, mirroring his mother's words.

He looks her in the eye now, stares at her, trying to see inside, trying to understand. He doesn't think he ever will understand, or forgive, or forget. It's not about Puck, it's that she took away his chance to be something to someone. That's all he wanted and now it's gone.

"I'm sorry too." He says finally and moves past her to walk upstairs.

At the top of the stairs he stops and turns around to watch her leave his house. His mom is at the door, passing the suitcase onto Santana. She gives Quinn an quick hug before saying something that makes her smile ever so slightly. If this was anyone else, he'd be furious. But his mom knows what's right, even if he doesn't get it sometimes.

Although he doesn't know how this could ever be right.


	2. I Don't Know

Just before I continue wanted to say thank you to everone who review, or put me on their alerts. I really appreciate it :) Also, wanted to add, this story (at least for now) will be about Finn. So no ships will really be involved except for the slightest and subtlest mention. Im trying to have it kinda follow what would actually happen in the first few days after Sectionals when the buzz wears off.

Anyway, hope you like this chapter as much as the last one :) sorry its so short :/ i think the third one will be longer though

* * *

Their first actual Glee practice is a couple of days after Sectionals, Mr Shue is eager to get started on new material straight away. He's early, which never happens, but it's not like he has much to distract him now.

He sits himself down on the step on a low practice stage and does nothing. He's been like this since then, kinda lost in time. But his mom says he's surviving and that's the important part.

He looks up when he hears footsteps, all too familiar footsteps. They could only belong to one person, so when he finds her standing in front of him, looking down on him for once, he's not surprised. Hesistant, but not surprised.

He's kind of been avoiding her. He's kind of been avoiding everyone.

"Hi." She says finally, her eyes soft.

He shrugs in reply. He likes her, he's fascinated by her. But right now he can't think about anything but Puck and Quinn and that little girl that will never be his. The little girl he's been giving names to for the last couple of months.

Rachel's nice, she's friendly. She's obviously worried about him. But right now he'd rather she went away and left him alone. He'd like everyone to leave him alone. He doesn't want to be in the spotlight, he doesn't want a lead. He wants to sit in his room with the lights off.

She sits down next to him, and he's bigger than her again. He's the giant and for once, he hates it.

"Did I do the right thing, telling you?" she asks finally, kind of breathlessly. It obvious the thought's been running around her mind for days.

He has no idea. Would it all have worked out if she hadn't told him? Did he want to know, or would he rather he never knew? Would it have even mattered when she was born and he held her in his arms?

In the end, he shrugs again, "I don't know."

She accepts this without argument, and it's obvious that there is nothing more to say. So they stay on the step, waiting for the others to arrive and rehearsal to begin.

Soon enough, everyone is there. They take care to acknowledge him, but not actually say anything and he likes it this way. Puck and Quinn walk in separately but neither of them look at him.

Mr Shue walks in last, he looks tired and worn, but ultimately happy and he wonders when his life started working out again. And he wonders when his will.

They get the new song and it's a sad one, he's heard his mom listening to it on one of her love song CD's. It's pretty old, he thinks. He's not sure if it's what he wants to be singing, but he'll try it on for size.

Mr Shue announces that Kurt will be doing the lead, with Rachel and when he looks over the pages he sees he has no solos. Not one. Looking up, he catches Mr Shue's eye and he nods, subtly but pointedly. He wonders how he knew that background was exactly what he needed right now. Anonymity and low hums and chorus'.

Rachel gets up to stand closer to Kurt and he sits alone for the rest of the song. Great metaphor for his life, he decides and sings the chorus a little louder than before.


	3. Okay

So... sorry i haven't updated yet. but here is the third part of the story. It kind of makes it complete in my mind, I haven't really gotten any idea for how to continue it and am still deciding if i want to.

Hope you all had a happy new years and that you enjoy this last chapter :)

* * *

He hasn't talked to his best friend in 4 days. He couldn't really call him his best friend anymore, because he's pretty sure that's not what their supposed to do.

He hasn't said anything to him since he came back at Sectionals, hasn't looked at him. He ignores him at Glee, tries not to listen at his voice piercing through every song they sing. He's pretending Noah Puckerman didn't ever exist.

He hasn't really talked to Quinn since she left his house, but it's not like it is with Puck. Sometimes he looks at her and they share a glance. Sometimes she'll say hi and he'll nod. He'll remember that she apologised. She cried. Puck did nothing.

He walks into the bathrooms and sees him standing in front of the mirror, straightening up his Mohawk before class.

He catches his gaze in the mirror and turns around automatically, ready to walk out. There are other bathrooms. He doesn't even have to go that bad.

"Wait!" His voice stops him, freezes him even though his hand is already up to push the door open. He's not sure why he stopped, why he would want to hear anything he has to say. But he does. So he turns back around. But he doesn't say anything, he's not ready to say anything. He just stares at this person he used to know.

He knows he's taller than him, taller than everyone. But at this moment, Puck looks absolutely tiny.

Puck swallows his words once or twice, obviously rehearsing in his head what he wants to say. He waits. "Look, I know I screwed up, okay? I was shit friend - "

"We're not friends." He cuts him off and even he's surprised by his words. As soon as he says it he feels a little better. Catharsis, he thinks his mom said it was called.

Puck looks like he's going to cry, which he's pretty sure he's never done before. Ever. And for a second he feels bad, but a moment later he remembers and wants to punch him again.

He holds back and Puck gets over himself and continues, "Dude, I screwed up big time. I get that. I don't want you to forgive me, I don't deserve that. I just... I'm sorry. I want you to know. I'm sorry."

Finn thinks this is possibly the most heartfelt thing Puck has ever said in his life. He is still staring at him; his eyes piercing through all that tough guy, trying to remember the Noah he knew when he was a kid.

"Okay." He says finally. It's the only thing he can think of. It's not okay, not even close. But, okay, i heard you.

Puck just stares back now. And he turns to leave again, this time stopping again at the same place. But this time it's his own doing.

He turns around and he can tell Puck's surprised, "Was she just another booty call?"

It surprises both of them, "What?"

"I need to know if you ruined... everything because you wanted to check her off your list."

They just stare at each other, knowing that it's a fair enough question. He's not offended or disturbed. That's who he is. They both know that. Or he should've have known that. Puck runs his hand across his mohawk, glancing in the mirror, before looking back at him.

"No." Puck says finally. His hands are in his pockets and he looks uncertain. But his voice is steady and they both believe what he says.

Finn's not sure if he wanted to know that answer or not. He's not sure how it makes it better. But that's all he has now. That and Glee. No football, no girlfriend, no best friend.

"Okay," he says again and without looking at him he walks out of the bathroom into the busy hallway. It's full of students doing their own thing, living their own lives and as he walks to class he's content to just look over them.

Surviving is what's important, that what his mom said. And that's what he's going to do.


End file.
